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Family or Lack Thereof...

The family I have is the one I have created for myself. Growing up with three different mothers and four different fathers sort of makes a person family-shy. I have a wonderful husband and two delightful and clever daughters - they make up the only family I really need. Do I regret my lack of family? Yes, a million times, yes and no, a million times, no. Obviously, I wasn't blessed with the "normal" family as a child. Hooboy, not! I mean, who has three mothers and four fathers? Insane. There is no way I should be a sane person with the family life I have had. Which elements make up the family parts of my previous life?

1. An illegal adoption
2. A father who fancied himself a satanist high-priest.
3. A plane crash that took that father. (This was a good thing)
4. A new father who takes his own life.
5. A new father who is a drunk.
6. A new father who is the greatest but at this point has no chance with this kid.
7. A mother who dies.
8. A temporary foster mother who shows what a real mother should be like, but is, alas, temporary.
9. A newfound birthmother who is wonderful but there's a wall from this kid. The wall has some cracks.
10. A newfound birthfather who is this kid's new best friend and then inexplicably cuts the kid off.

Small wonder the family I need is the one I made. The one that is sane.

Now with 100% more knitting content!

I haven't had time to update my journal because my husband is not working and always underfoot. I need a certain degree of privacy to blog; I'm not sure why. But I've been knitting...finished a cowl out of some no-name locally spun merino. I think I cast on 120 stitches on size 7 needles and once in a while I threw in a purl row. It's soft and warm, but a bit big and needs some sort of button or shawl pin thingy to tighten it around my neck. I finished a pair of socks. These are knit from Dashing Dachs Sport Sox in Masquerade. I cast on 48 stitches on size 3 dpns and knit a basic sock. The yarn was much more attractive in skein than as a sock. Also, not too soft, but I think they'll make some nice house socks. I've been knitting a Noro Striped Scarf, like just about everyone in knitblogland... and a here's the first of a pair of stripey socks out of Vesper in the Clover's Kiss colorway. A picot cuff and 64-stitches around for a basic sock again! That's about it for now. I've been working on my podcast notes and trying to do a ton of writing for a couple of projects in the works...I'll let you know how that works out! P.S. Until I figure out how to put pics into the body of my posts, they are here at the end!

A Perfect Hour.

Today I experienced a perfect hour of contentment. Contentment has been hard to come by here at Casa Bean lately. Unemployment and icky weather will bring a person down. But, today...today I experienced a wonderful uninterrupted hour of contentment and it's definitely brought about a feeling of hopefulness in my heart.

The sun is out here in the PacNW, a day of almost spring-like weather bestowed upon weary souls. I spent a typical night with very little sleep, rising much too early for a Sunday. I napped a little on the couch, fixed breakfast, did laundry and dishes, knitted a few rounds on a sock and listened to a couple of podcasts. Typical boring day. I decided I felt a little tired and since a child was hogging the couch, I decided to schlep myself upstairs and take a nap on my bed. I grabbed a book, my phone and my ipod and headed up. I made the bed, said "Hi" to my teenager across the hall (reading and texting, as usual) and laid down. Sunlight streamed through my bedroom window and I laid down and opened my book to read a little. My youngest daughter soon joined me with her book and eventually, my husband wandered in to sit on the end of the bed and play a video game. Isn't it typical for the family to migrate to wherever the mother is? But today I didn't mind. The sunlight streamed in and warmed me just enough to make me sleepy. I drifted off to the sounds of my daughter laughing softly at her book and my husband swearing under his breath at his video game and I just felt such a sense of contentment, just simple and pure. A thought came to me as I drifted off...I vowed to take a minute of each day to close my eyes and find a moment of contentment.

Stalled Start...

Well, I had hoped to post again, but with pictures. However, the Weather Gremlins by the names of "Driving Rain" and "Hurricane Force Winds" have conspired to take my light away for any new pictures.

Here's the last knitting picture I have been able to take...I think it was New Year's Eve...

La Chapeau



It's a pattern called La Chapeau from the Lucky Lurker's Club sponsored by A Swell Yarn Shop. The yarn is Duets DeKay in the Beau Monde colorway. It's a very nice yarn and was an easy pattern to follow. Of course, when I finally got a pattern and yarn I loved from this club, I had already decided not to renew. Don't get me wrong, I love her yarns, I just hadn't been inspired by the colorways of patterns that had been offered along the way.

Now, I know a lot of people are getting away from Livejournal for many reasons...including that there's a lot of blog hosting sites out there. So why would I have given up my old blog and come here? Well, a typepad blog costs $15 a month. My blogging mojo slowed down considerably last year and made me realize that I don't need to spend that. Livejournal is $20 for the whole year. Much easier to justify. I also think Livejournal is more of a community and I'm really looking for that right now. I've thought a lot about what I want to post on this journal and I think it will encompass a lot of my day to day living, my knitting and spinning projects, cooking and other crafty endeavors, a few wine reviews and maybe some of my indie perfume reviews also. I also have started another blog...however, it's a really different kind of blog and something I've been planning to write for quite awhile. It's going to encompass my personal journey into emotional health and the piecing together of the missing parts of my life. It's going to be very personal, painful and ultimately - very, very freeing. I've already saved the blog name over at blogger and created a separate gmail addy for it and I will share it will you in a few days. It will be for the rest of the world a somewhat anonymous blog, but I'm not hiding it. I'm just not going to attach my "yarnbeans" name to it in a very forward fashion. It's going to be a journey into my soul and a trip I have to take. I can feel it in the depths...you know?

And so it begins...

2009, that is!

It's 12:29 AM Pacific and it's officially 2009 and can I say to 2008 a big fat good-bye and good riddance. Goodbye to one of the worst years of my life. It's (mostly) my own fault it was a crappy year and I vow not to let it happen again!

So that's it...I am putting my past behind me and starting fresh. It's not as easy as it sounds, but the resolve is there and I'm totally committed to it. I have a steamer truck full of emotional crap to get rid of and once and for all it's getting the hell out of my life. The last couple of months, I've been super inspired to write and super blocked at the same time. I've been waiting for this day to come, a significant day, to start purging! This is a scary proposition for me to take the childhood crap and torture and put it in writing. Not only emotionally, but I can fear for my very life if the wrong people were to know. I am pretty sure these people are all dead, after all I am 41 years old and the bulk of the scary shit happened when I was 7. But guess what? I've been scared my entire life and it's not going to happen anymore. This is my life to live - not anyone else's and it's time to claim it!

I've bought myself a new journal, just one of those school-ruled journals that every kids uses at some time and I'm going to start filling it. I'll share some of it here.

So, welcome 2009! I have a feeling you're going to change my life!

Now, where did I put that bottle of Mumm Napa...
Keep repeating it, it might happen.

I journal constantly...in my head, on pieces of paper, in snippets of audio and now I'm working toward putting it down for posterity.

I've paid for a Livejournal account, so I may as well use it.

So, as of January 1st, I shall journal here, my friends.

First Post!

Ok, we'll see how this Livejournal thing works out. I decided to create a Livejournal page and delete my Typepad blog for a few reasons. It seems silly to pay so much for a blog that I rarely post to anymore. My focus is still on fiber arts, but I'd also like a more personal journal and I thought this might be a good place to post. We'll see how it works out.

Today's agenda is knitting at my LYS at a group that apparently only includes me and the lone shop employee. Let's hope I can get some more people to start coming. Now that I'm not homeschooling any more, I need more grown-up crafty contact.

Gotta go get my paycheck and try not to explode at my boss for not paying me yesterday like she was supposed to. Yes, yesterday was Sunday, but my landlord doesn't care that it's Sunday and will now charge me a late fee for paying the rent a day late. Of course, my husband and I got in a huge fight because he doesn't know how I let myself be a doormat for this kind of treatment.

Then, of course, the usual laundry, dishes, grocery shopping and making dinner. My life is just so exciting!

I'll probably work on this journal over the next few days...try to personalize it a little.